How to Use Words of Affirmation | Love Languages Ideas

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The 5 Love Languages, as laid out in the bestselling book by Gary Chapman, are quality time, physical touch, gifts, acts of service, and words of affirmation. Each of us gives and receives love differently, but our methods fall into at least one of these categories. We usually have one or two that are the primary ways in which we show love to others, and feel it reciprocated. 

Knowing your significant other's love language is incredibly important. It's with this information that you can make sure your actions are communicating what you think they are. For example, if your love language is acts of service, and you're dating someone who's all about physical touch, your sweet gesture of cleaning up the kitchen could be totally missed by someone who really just wanted a hug.

I'm a words of affirmation person through and through. Nothing makes me feel more loved than someone telling me what they like about me, how they feel, or what they're thinking. But if that's not your instinct, it can be a bit weird trying to figure out how to communicate that.

Intentional love is putting purpose behind effort, and there's no better way to start doing that than love language focused actions. 

These words of affirmation love language ideas will work for your boyfriend, husband, girlfriend, wife, or friends in general. If you love someone, let them know -- and do it in a way they can understand. 

For more love languages ideas, check out our relationships posts here. 

How to Use Words of Affirmation | Love Languages Ideas

First, Some general tips...

First things first, I love that you're here. Being willing to work for a quality relationship is not universal, and that heart and spirit behind your relationship goes SO much further than getting everything right the first time.

While I've read and written about all of the love languages, this one is me to a T, so I'm really excited to be able to write this FOR YOU -  the person who wants to love someone else well. Everyone's different, but I hope my experience and insight can be at least a little helpful for you! 

DO NOT SKIP THIS PART -  Something really, really important for most people with words of affirmation as a love language that can be hard to articulate and ask for is that the more specific you get with your words, the more it means.  

Don't get me wrong, "I love you" is huge. "You're amazing" = heart melting. But a message saying, "hey, I just wanted to tell you that I noticed you do XYZ today and I know that was really hard. I can see you growing in this area, and I'm so proud of you. I love your dedication and you inspire me to be better" - this is the stuff that words of affirmation people dream of. 

It's a really vulnerable thing to use your words like this, especially if it's not your instinctual love language, but keep working at it. Your significant other will see your effort and love you for it. 

1. Write them a love letter with a favourite memory that you have together.

2. Buy a journal or stack of post-its. Every day, write down one thing that you see your significant other do that you appreciate. Once it's full, give it to them. (There will be happy tears, this would be super cute)

3. Send them a long text after they go to bed so they can wake up to a reminder of how awesome they are. 

4. Shout them out on social media. Depending on the person, public words of affirmation can carry their own kind of weight -- it means a lot to know that someone not only says those things to you, but wants the world to know.

5. Get their friends or family to write them letters letting them know how much they appreciate them.

6. WRITE CARDS. If they hit a big milestone, celebrate them with a handwritten note about how hard they've been working.

7. Speak highly of them to your friends and theirs -- when it gets back to them, it'll go a long way.

8. Do NOT, I repeat, DO NOT talk crap about your significant other. This is never a good idea, but when words of affirmation is your primary love language, it's also the primary way in which you can be hurt. Words cut deep, and those moments aren't ones you can take back.

9. On a similar note, try to be consistent. If words of affirmation are a priority, not receiving them for a while feels like rejection, even when it's TOTALLY not meant that way.

10. Leave little notes around their belongings, home, car to find at different times throughout the day.

11. Make a point to verbally express gratitude and apologies. Without actually expressing them, your significant other will not assume that you feel them. 

12. Keep a note on your phone where you can write down little things you notice throughout the day.

13. Brag about them when they're around.

14. Communicate when you're upset about something. Yes, harsh words can be hurtful, but withholding communication is worse. If something is bothering you, verbalize it to the other person, bring it to them gently. 

15. If they handle things positively, affirm them. Let them know you see them. 

16. Talk about how you see your future together.

17. Call out positive qualities in them as much as you can, and encourage them to press into those.

18. Ask for their opinions on big life decisions, and talk things out together. 

19. Don't be a silent participant in discussions -- listening "without fixing" is great, but as a words person, your partner won't assume what you're thinking unless you tell them.

20. Invite them to talk and connect about where you're at. Get their thoughts and share yours. 

A final note

If you're dating a words of affirmation person, you're going to get a lot of love notes coming your way (get ready haha). When it comes to quantity, of course I can't speak for all words of affirmation people, but I can tell you that I've never had someone give me TOO much words haha.

The more specific, consistent, and steady you are, the more loved your significant other will feel. Props to you for being here, and wanting to learn how to use words of affirmation. Love language ideas can be hard when it's not your natural bent, but your heart is in the right place and you're off to a great start.

If you're feeling a little overwhelmed, try picking one thing from this list to do everyday. Just one thing. Over time, you'll start to develop habits, and it'll feel more and more natural to love your partner this way. 

Make sure that as you work to love your partner the way they need to be loved that you communicate your needs too. Especially if you have different love languages, you may need to get really honest and ask your significant other to do specific things. If they're willing to put in the work, it shouldn't be an issue.

Get excited -- intentional relationships are the BEST, and growing together gives you a kind of peace and satisfaction like nothing else. 

Make sure to follow us on instagram @outofthehabit.co and check out our relationships section for more on intentionality and love languages ideas!