10 Things You Need to Hear After a Breakup

Looking for things you need to hear after a breakup, breakup quotes, or breakup advice? 

It was the worst moment of my life.

My stomach was churning. My throat was raw. The pain was unlike anything I'd known before, and I craved anger, joy, emptiness, anything to make it stop. 

"There's other fish in the sea."  I don't want them. 

"He's not worth it." Yes, he is. 

Breakup advice can be brutal. And not in the sense that it's brutally honest -- a lot of the time, it's actually just terrible, insensitive, unhelpful advice. If you've recently experienced the end of a relationship that meant a lot to you, having it demeaned, criticized, or broken down probably doesn't feel great.

The last time I went through a breakup, I received a ton of truly awful advice, all of which just made me feel more alone. It was so, so hard, but I learned a lot, and through it, I knew I wanted to share the best breakup advice I'd ever heard, given, or received.

These are the things that brought me comfort in the heaviest moments. That helped me actually heal from, and not just numb my pain. These are 10 things you need to hear after a breakup.

10 Things You Need to Hear After a Breakup

IT SUCKS.

For everyone telling you “keep your chin up”, and “everything happens for a reason”, hear this — what you’re going through sucks. It just does. Whether it was an amicable breakup, a blindsiding betrayal, or the casually cruel loss of someone in your life, it sucks. Your pain is valid, the adjustment period you’re going through is hard, and all of this is uncomfortable.

DON’T TRY AND TALK YOURSELF OUT OF FEELING —

hurt, anger, rejection, betrayal, whatever it is. Your healing is a journey, a process, and denial will only delay it. While it may be worth temporarily putting it out of your head to live your life and avoid drowning in your sorrows, pretending like nothing happened won’t serve you or your future. It’s gonna hurt, but you need to let yourself feel it.

YOU’RE INCREDIBLE.

Regardless of what happened or caused the end of this relationship, your worth is the same as it was when it began. You were created with intention, born with purpose, and are intricately unique. No one’s opinion could ever change or affect that. You are immeasurably valuable. 

As humans, we crave to be fully known and deeply loved. We hate to admit it, but sometimes the ending of a relationship can leave us feelIng fully known and entirely unloved. This is not true. In fact, I’m willing to be that there’s a lot of people around you who love you deeply. Seeing it might feel impossible right now. Feeling it is likely even harder, but as best you can, embrace the truth that you are loved. By people around you, friends, family, and most importantly, by the One who created you in the first place.

NO ONE CAN TELL YOU HOW TO GRIEVE.

As established, most breakup advice sucks. And yeah, people are trying to help. There's a time and a place when you may even want them to. But only you know your mind and heart. Self care begins when you’re willing to advocate for yourself. Asking for what you need and taking time and space to simply be however you need to is a huge part of post-breakup healing.

EVERY RELATIONSHIP IS A MIX OF GOOD AND BAD.

For the most part, anyway, every relationship is a mix of both wonderful things and hard ones. I don't know if it's a girl thing or an everyone thing, but it seems like post-breakup we all just resign to bashing the person you were dating. And hey, maybe it's cathartic -- but focusing on the bad and assuming the worst doesn't lead to peace. In all likelihood, your journey to healing will be much more effective if you can find a way to honour the good while knowing that you deserve better.

FIND A WAY TO BE THANKFUL FOR WHAT YOU’RE LEARNING THROUGH IT.

Feeling and processing is key, but be careful not to drown yourself in misery and sorrow. Gratitude is the key to a happy and mindful heart. If you’re having a hard time being thankful for your singleness, be thankful for everything you’re learning through this journey. Everything we go through makes us who we are, and the pain you’re feeling now will leave you stronger on the other side. Choose growth, respect, and self love for yourself during this process.

One of the most important steps of healing post-breakup is recreating the parts of your life that used to deeply involve another person. Find some new hobbies, try a new coffee shop, make new friends who won’t trigger painful memories. You don’t need to eliminate the good things that are there, but creating and finding new parts of your life will be a refreshing change.

YOUR PAST DOES NOT DICTATE YOUR FUTURE.

Say it louder for the people in the back. No matter what regrets you have, what moments you wish you could undo, people you wish you could’ve fallen out of love with sooner, your past does not dictate your future. Embrace it. Learn from it. But don’t let it hold you down.

YOU HAVEN’T “MISSED YOUR CHANCE”.

I don’t believe in soul mates. I can’t promise you that the perfect person for you is right around the corner. But I can tell you that love has a lot more to do with choice than we give it credit for. If you want to be in a relationship, put yourself out there. Meet people and make yourself available. Don’t make it your goal, purpose, or ideal in life, but it’s okay to explore some options.

I first wrote this post almost a year ago, and sourced my points from one of the most painful seasons of my life. I had gone through a breakup that almost shattered me, something I didn't know if I could recover from. Now, I'm writing from the summer of 2021, and I can tell you that wow, it was all worth it. 

It was so hard. And it hurt, so much. But from the other side, I've found a happiness, love, and self confidence that I literally didn't know was possible. These things you need to hear after a breakup are important not just for right now, but for the future. 

This breakup is not the end for you. What you're going through is so difficult. It's real, painful, and valid, but it won't defeat you. It won't hold you down. New beginnings, fresh starts, and unexpected adventures are right around the corner. 

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What’s the best or worst breakup advice you’ve ever received?