Questions to Ask Before You Get Engaged

Have you ever wanted to know what questions to ask before you get engaged?

When my husband and I first started dating a couple of years ago, we had a shared mutual goal of building an intentional relationship. We both wanted to date with purpose, lay a foundation for a love that would last, and work towards marriage, as that was what we both wanted.

But we knew that an intentional relationship wouldn't happen by accident. Over the two years of our dating relationship, we spent a lot of time going over these questions and setting rhythms that carried us through to our wedding day, and are still extremely helpful now.

You can read more about this journey here: How to Build an Intentional Relationship.

If you're in a serious relationship, or even if you're just thinking ahead, these questions to ask before you get engaged will help you think, converse, and connect with a partner (current or future) to get you on the same page and help unite your vision for your life and future together.

Questions to Ask Before You Get Engaged

One thing I've realized since getting married is just how much I romanticized marriage before actually being in it. And don't get me wrong, I love being married. Getting to have sleepovers with my best friend every night, building a home and a life together, growing and healing with each other, it's more than I ever dreamed of.

But the weight of the commitment didn't hit me until just before the wedding day. The vows we made were made for life, and we can't take them back (nor would we want to). 

It's a big thing, getting married - and as much as my limited experience prompts me to recommend it, I also know that the questions to ask before you get engaged are key in providing confidence and clarity during this process. 

If you and your significant other haven't already addressed these questions to ask before you get engaged, why not make a date night out of it and go through them together? This isn't supposed to create pressure or tension, but to help you understand each other better and connect.

Pour yourselves a drink, grab some comfort food, and enjoy getting to know each other better while exploring what your future could look like with these questions to ask before you get engaged.

40 questions you should ask before getting married:

but first, a quick note...

When I was looking at posts like these on questions to ask before you get engaged., I found a lot of questions really unhelpful. Either they were too basic - "what do you do for work?" or too practical - things that made (to me) more sense to go over after getting engaged. Little details to work out once you know that you know that this is your person.

I wanted to provide you with questions that would make sure you got to know the parts of your partner that you may not have seen. The dreams and the hopes and the vision that it's really easy to assume you both share without ever actually talking about it.

Some of these questions to ask before you get engaged might be one-word answers, and some of them might be conversation starters that prompt larger discussions. Both are great. Let yourselves be honest, vulnerable, and open, even if it's hard or scary. This commitment is not something to take lightly.

1. If you won the lottery right now, what would you do with your winnings?

2. What are your religious/worldview beliefs? How do you see those playing out in the future? How will they affect the way you enter a marriage/parenting?

3. How do you feel about your current job?

4. If you could do anything for work and you didn't have to get paid, what would you do?

5. If you had to put your values into words, what would your top 5 be? How do you prioritize those in your life right now?

6. What is your love language? Is there anything I do that makes you feel particularly loved? Is there anything I do that makes you feel particularly unloved?

7. What has been the worst moment of your life? How did that affect you?

8. What has been the best moment of your life? How did that affect you?

9. If you could change one thing about the way you were raised, what would it be?

10. What is the thing about how you were raised that you are most grateful for?

11. How do you feel about managing finances as a couple in marriage? What does that look like to you?

12. What are your financial goals?

13. Have you ever been in therapy? If yes, what was your experience like? If no, would you ever try it?

14. What does rest look like to you? How do you recoup and relax?

15. What does your ideal vacation look like?

16. What does the commitment of marriage mean to you? 

17. What are your thoughts on divorce? What makes it justified or not, etc.?

18. Do you want kids - if so, how many?

19. If we were to get married, or when you get married, how do you see our household roles? Ex. who is responsible for what - finances, household chores, parenting... are these 50/50 splits? Are we taking different roles at different times?

20. How involved do you expect your family to be in your life, marriage, and future family?

21. How do you see the priority order of relationships before and after marriage?

22. What (if any) boundaries do you feel should be in place around friendships?

23. Have you ever been addicted to anything? 

24. What's one habit you'd like to develop?

25. What's one habit you'd like to break?

26. Are there parts of your life that you wish I was more involved in?

27. What's one thing that you appreciate about me?

28. What's one thing you wish I did differently?

29. How do you hope your life plays out? What do you want the next 50 years to look like overall?

30. What would you do if you knew you couldn't fail?

31. If you could teach a course on anything - even if it was something you're not currently an expert in - what would it be?

32. What's the greatest gift you've been given, and why?

33. Are you actively engaged in politics? If so, are you partisan to a specific leader or party? What do you value in the people you vote for?

34. What's one thing that excites you about the idea of marriage?

35. What's one thing that scares you about the idea of marriage?

36. What's one thing you've learned from our relationship?

37. Is there anything you haven't told me about you that it's important I know?

38. Is there anything I haven't told you about that you'd like me to fill you in on?

39. If we were to get engaged, how long of an engagement would you want?

40. How do you approach conflict? Is it something you're comfortable with, are you confrontational or avoiding?

these 40 Questions to Ask Before You Get Engaged...

...are not all-encompassing. If intentionality is a high priority for you, and marriage is something you take really seriously, you're going to want to have ongoing conversations about a lot of these topics. You don't have to be perfectly aligned on everything, but you need to understand if you're compatible and okay with working together in the areas where you're different. 

These questions to ask before you get engaged are written with the express desire to help you get a clearer image of what a future with your partner would look like. Two people coming together as one is a beautiful thing, and it's also a big thing.

If you enjoyed reading these questions to ask before you get engaged, or if you want more on building an intentional relationship, you can sign up for our email list here or come hang out on Instagram, where I share lots of love & life & intentional lifestyle.